JUNE 1986: I go back home to Basel across the Lorraine Bridge, having just graduated from high school and think confidently: I can do anything, the whole world is waiting for me.

MARCH 1988: In my youthful arrogance I apply for an editorial post at a well-known newspaper.

APRIL 1990: I meet Bea in lecture room 101 of Berne University.

JULY 1991: Lena blinks in the shimmering light of the hospital delivery suite.

AUGUST 1993: Nik, who has hardly been born, takes his last breath in my arms.

NOVEMBER 1993: In Jorgos Canacakis’s grief seminar, I realise: My grief is real and so am I.

OCTOBER 1994: We can take Anna home from the women’s hospital. She is healthy despite the doctors having been afraid that she, like her brother, suffered from an infection.

JULY 2008: Bea’s headache is so bad she wants to bang her head on the fridge. The pain is so bad she wants to throw herself in front of a car.

MARCH 2009: I tell Bea about Andrea.

DECEMBER 2009: Bea tells me about Tom.