FEBRUARY 1984: After a number of false starts it works out with my dream man Andreas: We work together, fly together, cuddle in the breaks and are soon a couple.

MAY 1984: While riding my moped very fast to see my friends on Saturday night, I have an indescribable feeling of freedom.

JULY 1984: My little sister tries to convert her room into a swimming pool. I'm not sure whether it is going to work but sit down cautiously on the top bunk so that if it does work, I can try a dive.

AUGUST 1984: I am swimming against high waves and am already four hundred metres from the shore even though the flag has been raised. I experience an indescribable feeling of power, strength and freedom and learn to love the sea. I fight and don't give up till I reach the sandbank, where I can hardly stand up. I am not alone.

AUGUST 1984: Climbing in the Dachstein mountains, Austria, I make a fall. My brother in law stops my fall by holding the rope. I hang above a void of 150 metres under my feet and start a new life.

AUGUST 1984: I am pregnant and so sick that sometimes I can't talk or walk any more and think I'm going to die. It is too much for me. My husband does not support me. I have the child aborted. The doctor sucks my child out of my womb with a hosepipe and into a transparent container. He flushes the bloody liquid down the drain in a sink next to the treatment chair. I am very sad and can't stop crying.

NOVEMBER 1984: My girlfriend refuses to put up with my aggressive depressive mood and sends me away with the words: "Come back when you've calmed down." I understand she really does want me to come back.